Hiatus

My husband says I'm too attached to outcomes. He says I should just do stuff for the fun of it.

Right...

So here I am, after a long hiatus. Doing it for the sake of it - no strings, no objectives, no expectations. (Hold on: I'll just check my pulse.) Yep, so far so good. I'm not thinking about outcomes/performance, feedback loops - nada - just having fun.

Ahh, forget it. I'm a middle class white girl who did ballet and went to a single sex school. Of course I want an "A".

So if my pathology is 'ever shifting goalposts - the wanton, crazed search for perfection against normalised standards'; then surely my childrens' will be 'overinflated sense of entitlement'.

Just watched The Politcally Incorrect Parenting Show. Of course it seems almost absurd to link self-esteem with achievement these days. Everything is so child-centric that our children are catching waves of omnipotent narsicism. The world is my oyster because I showed up. Nice idea... maybe.

The writer/presenter talked about childrens' birthday parties as an example. Twenty years ago, a child's birthday was his/her special day. It was all about the birthday girl/boy. Now, parents are anxious that everybody has a good time, that everyone wins a prize, and that each child leaves with a loot bag befitting of Olympia fashion week.

What have we done?

Interestingly, Nigel Latta, the writer/presenter is a clinical psychologist who has specialised in criminal or forensic psychology. He's seen a few of life's more challenging individuals with myriad disorders, disfunctions and pathologies. He's seen more than most of us could bear.

Yet he's not consumed with anxiety for the next generation in that unless we gild them they will wither. He seems to think children are pretty resilient, and that it takes a lot more to damage a child's psyche than people who call their kids Rueben and Fenella think.

I hope it catches on, even here, where politcal correctness is institutionalised thanks to three terms of a centre-left government. It would be nice to think that we have enough faith left in people to well, just get on and do what people do. All this maniacal orchestration is exhausting and not a little discouraging.

There have been times when I thought of joining the 30,000 odd (averaged) kiwis migrating to Australia annually for the past decade. Apparently, you can still call a spade a spade in some circles, although they are desperately trying to catch up, it seems.

So let's hope Nigel starts a movement with his show. I, for one, am thinking of putting in a note with my next daughter's birthday invitations, announcing that we are, after due consideration, doing away with loot bags, and that only genuine winners of the birthday games will win a prize (even if it's the same kid or kids hogging the limelight). That said prizes will probably be something sugary not plastic (it's a party after all), and that they can take some cake home and a balloon, if there's some left over.

Of course, immediately, the fear is what if no-one comes? Or worse, our children start being dropped off invite lists, labelled 'bad hosts'? (Perhaps that's not all bad given the recession. Might just save hundreds of $$ on birthday gifts for insignificant others.) And then there's the ethical dilemma: if we don't give loot bags, is it acceptable for our children to receive them at other parties? Fraught...

I guess the real test will come next weekend, with three parties scheduled - two back to back five-year-old shindigs, followed by pre-schoolers' pandemonium the next day.

They'll love it, of course, and yes, come back with yet more junk that I will surreptitiously dispense of. (Don't even start me on eco-footprints!) And they'll think that's just the way things go - easy come, easy go.

And my husband will continue to wonder what has become of our little girl when Miss 5 says: "Daddy, you've upset me. I want you to buy me that dress to make me feel better."

Yes, leaving out the loot bags means the mutiny might just start a lot closer to home.

As Nigel Latta says, "Good night and good luck. You'll probably need it."